So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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