I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
