I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
