Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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