it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm going to jail i love you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He better not be in your backpack
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
