high people should be assigned attendants
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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