with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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