we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
