I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
