the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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