Do you still have your period?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
