you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
