Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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