Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.