So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
