I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
