In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
