Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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