It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
