so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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