I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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