If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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