I've blown a few things in my day
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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