I have demons in me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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