if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
