I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
