Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
