She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
