I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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