Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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