ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
