Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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