You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
