Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
