dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
