Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
