Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
