Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
