Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
