Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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