oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
