Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
