I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize