Will you blow on my dice?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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