Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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