tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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