We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
