well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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