turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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