I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
