There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize