I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i think my cat just said my name.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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