it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
