Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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