Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
