quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
