Don't you send me to vm
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
