It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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