Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
4 words: hood of his car
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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