I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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