I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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