I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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