The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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