Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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