I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
