carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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