So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
