sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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