I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
