we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
