I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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